by Cora Boyd
Dating—especially modern dating—can certainly be as frustrating as it is exciting.
Few other areas of life demand as much optimism, vulnerability, patience, and perspective as does the process of navigating the highs and lows of finding love.
In my work as a dating coach, I give my clients four general guidelines for creating a fruitful and fun dating life: lead with your curiosity, live a life that excites you, practice mindfulness, and listen.
I have seen time and time again how, when a person makes the choice to actively prioritize their own well-being, the results they want to see in their love life follow.
Great news! If you’re consciously integrating positive psychology into your life, you are already optimizing your odds of finding love and connection.
Here’s why practicing positive psychology improves your love life:
You are showing up as your best self.
When we prioritize our own well-being, we step into the best versions of ourselves. As a byproduct, we become more attractive to romantic prospects. Like most people, you’re probably looking for the following in a partner: someone who takes good care of themselves, who follows their passions, who is engages with a sense of purpose in their life, who nurtures deep emotional connections with friends and family, and who will challenge you to be your best self. Naturally, this person will be looking for these same qualities in return. Incidentally, the things that make us happier—such as regular self-care, engaging with a sense of purpose and community, knowing and leading with our strengths, and following our passions—also increase our attractiveness in the dating pool.
You are bringing out the best in your date.
As the saying goes, people won’t remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. Happiness is infectious. When we are feeling and behaving positively, we have the power to be fun, uplifting, and encouraging company to others, and we create space for those around us to show up as their best selves as well. That is to say, if you make someone feel good, about themselves and about life, they will want to be around you.
You are letting authentic connections build organically.
Opening ourselves up to others is inherently vulnerable. In dating, the impulse to rush the relationship from ambiguity to definition can be tempting. However, I have seen how this rushing, attachment to outcome, and desire to control the dynamic often stifles new connections that have the potential to become something more. This is why practicing mindfulness can be so helpful to our love lives—it helps us to regulate the emotional spikes and dips, loosen our attachment to a particular outcome, and stay in touch with our own needs so we can let relationships develop at their natural pace.
You know how to truly connect with others.
A great acting teacher of mine once said, “Stop trying to be interesting, and get interested.” I think this adage also applies to dating. If you’re familiar with positive psychology, you already know that instead of seeking validation from others, a far better way to connect interpersonally is to practice active-constructive listening, strength spot, and express gratitude about the other person. Positive psychology helps you connect with others, and in turn, that deepened social connection enhances your sense of well-being.
So, if you’re single and looking to mingle, look no further than positive psychology.
Cora Boyd is a writer, men’s dating coach, and CiPP graduate. She coaches awesome men on best practices for modern dating and helps them become the best versions of themselves so that their future girlfriends will have the opportunity to be attracted to them. To learn more about Cora’s coaching and read her writing, visit coraboydcoaching.comor follow her on Instagram @cobraboyxox.