“Here’s what I’m finally going to fix about myself.” It’s something we’re all tempted to declare from time to time. After all, if you want to make things better, you need to start to be your own coach and and fix what isn’t working, right?
Well, no. There’s plenty of research that demonstrates that it’s far more effective to focus on what is working and find ways to build on that.
Why? There are at least three reasons.
- What’s working has already shown itself to work! Something about it is going right. So it gives us something productive to build on, and offers insights about how we succeed.
- Building on what’s working is far more enjoyable than knocking our heads against what isn’t, so we’re far more likely to stick with the changes we make that capitalize on the things that are going well.
- When we add to the total volume of things that are going well, they begin to crowd out the things that are going poorly, which can pave the way for really substantial change.
Does that mean that if we’ve recently gotten into a great exercising routine but things are going badly at work, we should just keep working out and ignore the problems in the office? Not at all. To be your own coach, you need to start to pay real attention to the areas where you’re struggling.
But the attention we pay to them will be a lot more likely to be productive if we start with something that is going well that we can build on—even in those areas of our lives where most things aren’t working as we’d wish.
Now here’s how to be your own coach.
Think of an area of your life that’s important to you. It might be family, work, friends, health, or anything else that matters to you. It can be an area in which things overall are going well or in which things in general aren’t going so well.
Now ask yourself two questions. When you answer, be as specific and concrete as you can be.
What is one specific thing that’s working well in this area of my life?
Remember that “working well” doesn’t mean “working perfectly.” If you’re having a hard time naming something that’s going well in a particular area, lower your standards—at least for the moment! Think of something that’s going better than other things in that part of your life.
What small, specific thing can I do to build on that?
For example, something that’s going well in my work life is that I’m making progress in focusing on one thing at a time rather than pretending that I can be effective at doing multiple things at once. Focusing in this way has helped me to be more productive and feel a lot less harried. If you’re like me, one way you could be your own coach is to shut down your email when you’re working on a project. This way you’re not tempted to check out new messages as they come in.
Okay, here’s the part that really matters. You just came up with one small, specific way that you can build on something that’s going well. Now get even more specific and concrete. How would you do it? When would you do it? How often? How would you begin? How would be your own coach?
Then commit to doing that one thing—that one small, concrete thing.
A key part of making these commitments stick is writing them down. Another is being specific about when you’ll do them. For example:
- I’ll do _________ for five minutes every morning before breakfast.
- Tomorrow afternoon when I see my boss, I’ll _________.
- Every time _________ happens, I’ll _________.
That’s it. You did it. You just served as your own coach!
Now you get to be your own client!
The way to be a great client to yourself is simply to do what you just committed to doing, and to do it immediately, repeatedly, and consistently. That is the key to sustainable change—taking small steps immediately, repeatedly, and consistently.
As you act on your commitment, pay attention to how it’s going, either with some brief journaling, a regular conversation with a friend, or just by checking in with yourself each day. Be conscious about paying attention to what’s working and how you can build on it. That way, you’ll be able to find even more ways to build momentum as you move forward.
Looking to create positive change for yourself or your clients?
Connect positive psychology research with practical skills in WBI’s Positive Psychology Coaching Fundamentals.
Lynda is the Program Director of WBI’s Positive Psychology Coaching Certification Program. One of the country’s most highly sought-after coaches and teachers, and the author of the best-selling book A Short Course in Happiness, Lynda holds an MBA from the Wharton School and a Certificate in Wholebeing Positive Psychology from WBI. Before becoming a certified Positive Psychology Coach, Lynda spent 20 years as an executive with Johnson & Johnson, where she ran a billion-dollar global business including some of the world’s most iconic brands. Galvanized by the compelling findings of positive psychology, she left the business world to begin a new career doing work she genuinely loves, helping others to create positive change in their lives.