By Nancy Kirsner, PhD, and Phoebe Atkinson, LCSW
Results from decades of research keep leading us back to basic common sense: Our relationships greatly impact our well-being. “People who are more connected to family, to friends, and to community, are happier and physically healthier than people who are less well connected,” write the authors of a Harvard study on happiness, who summarized their findings in the book The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. This echoes Chris Peterson’s famous summary of positive psychology as “Other people matter.”
Adding to this important discussion, three new books have emerged that also highlight the centrality of our social health. In The Art and Science of Connection, social scientist Kasley Killam encourages people to prioritize their relationships. She argues that cultivating meaningful relationships is as vital as exercise, nutrition, and sleep: “If you nourish your body and mind but neglect your relationships, your overall health may be compromised. In contrast, prioritizing your connection—in addition to habits that support your physical and mental health—can help you live longer, healthier, and happier.”
From Selfhood to Social Connection
Killam’s work guides us away from overemphasis on selfhood toward a socially connected future—an antidote to the “loneliness epidemic” that Dr. Vivek Murthy brought to our attention in his book Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World. In his “Listening Tour” around the United States, Dr. Murthy met and listened to people from all walks of life, with the goal of surveying their medical and emotional concerns. He tells the story of the disconnection and isolation in our society, and the adverse health impacts of loneliness. The book unfolds through stories and personal narratives about how communities overcame these challenges.
In The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, journalist Rhaina Cohen explores “platonic partnerships” between those who have put deep friendships at the center of their lives. She provides a valuable historical context and invites the reader to go beyond traditional notions of romantic partnerships, bringing more imagination to our relationships by recognizing the various forms of nurturing that are available to us and can make our lives richer.
How Kindness Supports Collective Health
Another recent book focusing on the power of friendship is The Rabbit Effect: Live Longer, Happier, and Healthier with the Groundbreaking Science of Kindness, by Columbia University’s Dr. Kelli Harding. Dr. Harding illuminates the research showing the positive impact that our social world can have on our health. She emphasizes how kindness relates to health and happiness—both our own and that of others.
She writes, “You can cause positive change and boost the health of the people around you, whether you work in healthcare or not. It comes down to kindness. How we treat one another in every aspect of our day-to-day lives matters. Individual and collective health isn’t just happening at appointments in hospitals and clinics but also in our everyday experiences.”
Illuminating the Power of the R
All of these authors uplift the multifaceted R of the SPIRE model—Relationships—and investigate how relationship to self, as well as others, impacts the other aspects of the model, particularly P (Physical) and E (Emotional). In his book Happier, now almost two decades old, positive psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar called relationships “the ultimate currency” and cited relationships and love as “the most discussed and least understood topic out there.”
That may no longer be true. A steadily growing body of research and writing has elucidated our need to belong and the importance of our relationships. Collectively, thought leaders around the world are shedding light on the inextricable link between social health and well-being.
Join Nancy and Phoebe as they explore how our relationships affect our health in the next WBI/JCC online Positive Psychology Hour, Tuesday, December 17, 12:00–1:00 pm ET. Register now.
Nancy Kirsner, PhD, TEP, OTR
Nancy has been in private practice, teaching, and consulting for 45 years. She loves translating positive psychology principles and research into applied practice, utilizing experiential learning. Nancy is co-author, with Phoebe Atkinson, of a chapter of the book Action Explorations: Using Psychodramatic Methods in Non-Therapeutic Settings, and also co-authored Positive Psychology for Music Professionals: Character Strengths, published by Routledge Press. Nancy is a frequent workshop presenter at Hope for Life, a Recovery Community in Miami, Florida.
Phoebe Atkinson, LCSW
Phoebe is a psychotherapist and coach in private practice in New York City. Since 2012, Phoebe has served as a faculty member for WBI’s Certificate in Wholebeing Positive Psychology and as lead faculty in WBI’s Positive Psychology Coaching Program. Along with Caroline Kohles, she has taught workshops at the the Marlene Meyerson JCC Manhattan for the past three years, bringing insights into the applied science of positive psychology and its intersection with embodied practice. Phoebe is also on the faculty of the Master’s in Happiness Studies program at Centenary University, led by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar.
